Rostro de Cristo in Ecuador

Thomas Merton wrote in a prayer:
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road although I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death, I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.


I think of this prayer at least once a day. Mertons words ring true with me as I have been thrown into this contemplative state where I am trying to figure out really what I am doing here. I sometimes even wonder if I am doing anything productive or helpful. We are faced with this seemingly endless cycle of poverty, and we are here for a year a mere blink in these peoples lives. I always knew that I would get more out of this than the people whom I am serving, but I never thought that notion would be so hard to swallow.

I often find myself having these transcendential moments where I step outside of myself and look at what my life is here. There are things when I was sitting in a dorm room filling out my application that I never even thought of, and now, these things are my reality. For example, I never had the time to truly contemplate the idea of "being" and how that might not be as easy as it sounds. I always knew I would love these children, but I never knew just how much it would break my heart when they tell me of the abuse the suffer.

I constantly find myself thinking about "the real world," and then, like a ton of bricks, by the Hand of God alone I am reminded that this is the real world. More people live like this than what is my reality at home, and that is dispicable. So here it is, this world of struggle, pain, abuse, hunger, inhumane living conditions and sad children, where do we find hope in hopelessness? This is a beautiful part of formation, but no one said it would be easy...

And just when I think I´ve lost all hope, a Valdivia kid, after crying about getting hit at home, tells me that his favorite commandment is to love God above all other things and that God is here with us now...This boy, and that comment are my new inspiration for la lucha.

La Paz.
Emily