Grace Like a Waterfall

Two weeks ago, 10 wonderful students, a campus minister, and a religious studies professor from Cabrini College had the courage to come live in Durán for a week, and i was blessed enough to be their retreat leader. We spent time with several neighbors in AJS and in Arbolito, and visited some of RdC´s partner foundations. As it turns out, my Spanish is good enough to translate day in and day out for a group of gringos like myself. I learned so much about my neighbors, because the group asked them questions i hadn´t thought to ask yet, and maybe never would have. I watched the group struggle with disconnects between their expectations and what they saw and heard, with the joyful challenge of living simply and in community, and with what this all means for them and their lives. My eyes were opened to seeing Durán, its people, and my year here in a new light. And, (allow me to stereotype for a minute), campus ministers and religious studies professors are generally my favorite people ever, and it was thrilling to be able to think and talk about faith, religion, and life here with brilliant people (who had the humility to want to learn from me, believe it or not...talk about empowering others!). I loved the role of Cabrini´s volunteer retreat leader so much that i´m sort of thinking maybe God is telling me something here? (One thing being that i´m definitly going to grad school someday). To Kristie, Laura G, Laura H, Leah, Chelsie, Andrew, Rizito, Katrina, Shannon, Julie, Christa, and Nick/Ruddy, thank you for opening your hearts and minds to Durán and Rostro de Cristo. Love you all.

I also had a really great birthday while they were here. The kids at Manos Abiertas made me signs and birthday cards covered in painted handprints of their manos abiertas [thank you Kasia for starting this]. I actually cried after the charla in front of all the kids and my retreatants. It was so sweet. And the Fairfield U Eucharistic Ministers´ tradition of writing Christmas cards to alums doing service brought me extra birthday joy. Thanks everyone!

Christmas in Ecuador was really beautiful. As a community, we went caroling on the 21st to our neighbors, complete with homemade Christmas cookies, wearing Christmas socks (thanks Mrs. Amy´s mom!). That Monday night we had a Christmas party with all of us and all Rostro staff and their families. We cooked and ate and danced and played games and testified to the faces of Christ that filled that room. It was a true sign that we really do have family here in Durán.

Since Christmas Eve is the big deal here, not Christmas Day, the 24th was a busy night. For Nochebuena we (the AJS girls) had dinner #1 with Elizabeth, the wife of our guard Omar, who cooked us an amazing meal and filled us with stories about her life as a 23 year old Ecuadorian wife and mother. It was such a blessing to be able to be with her, otherwise she would have been alone Christmas Eve (Omar was working). From there we went to 9pm mass, which shockingly started on time and was packed. After that, we went to dinner #2 around 11:30pm at Wellington and Soraya´s house, another guard-and-wife household, and somehow fit more food in our stomachs than we ever should have. Despite the discomfort that comes with overeating for 5 hours, we had a really wonderful Christmas Eve. On the 25th we went caroling at Damien House and sung to patients living with Hansen´s Disease. We (the whole Rostro gang) had a delicious italian dinner that night at the home of Sr. Annie, a Brooklyn B.V.M, who founded Damien House. There was just more love and hospitality than i ever thought possible this holiday.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Right - so it has been forever and a day since I have written anything up here, and I havent been as good as I would like at the emailing either. Please accept my apologies for this, and also accept this (probably long) blog post as a long delayed update.

Where to even begin? So much has happened and so much is going on. Okay, lets start with the obvious - it´s Christmas. Right, to be completely honest, it doesnt feel the same as it usually does. First of all, its about a million degrees here so instead of pulling out the festive scarves and hats that usually mark this time of year, we are all trying our darndest to stay cool. But, we are managing to get ourselves into the Christmas spirit none the less. We have an awesome Christmas tree, some great Christmas mixes, and a few classic Christmas movies. Also, the other night we all got together to make a dozen or so batches of Christmas cookies that we will be giving out tomorrow when we go caroling around our neighborhoods. I think the neighbors will all get a kick out of it. So, we are making this time special for ourselves. On Monday night we are having a big RdC party with all of the people who work with us to celebrate with them - it should be a blast! Food, games, singing and dancing I´m sure. For Christmas Eve Megan, our director, has invited a few of the boys from the shelter I work at over for a dinner. Some of the boys have no family to go home to over the holidays so we´re trying to make Christmas something fun for them too. I´m going to do my best to help cook a big dinner . . . I´ll let you know how that goes. And then on Tuesday we´re throwing a big Christmas party for our kids at Semillas. Again, more food (we´re making a birthday cake for baby Jesus) singing, dancing, and of course a good competitive game of soccer. It will be a great way to end the year with them as we head for vacation right after Christmas.

Although I am far away from family and friends right now which makes my heart ache just a bit, I must say it is nice to be away from all of the ridiculousness that surrounds Christmas in the states. We have decided as volunteers to not exchange presents this year amongst each other in an attempt to be closer in solidarity with our neighbors. Christmas is different here; on the one hand it is a time of joy and hope as we all remember how much God is present in our lives, but on the other hand this time of the year brings about so much stress. Families in our neighborhood cannot afford presents and some families even go into debt just to provide a special Christmas meal for their family. So, parents are stressed and frustrated, and tend to take this out on their kids. So lately, our kids at Semillas in particular have been more and more violent toward each other. Their lives at home are hard - they know what they can and cannot have and that is a tough thing for them to swallow. Presents are important to kids everywhere and it breaks my heart that these kids wont really get a whole lot if anything. So, our job has been to talk about Christmas in a different way. We´ve been talking a lot about Jesus and God to help them see what Christmas is really about. It´s reminded me too what this time of year means and it has been refreshing to remember.

In a few weeks we will be celebrating our five month anniversary of arriving in Ecuador. In some moments it feels just about right - I feel like Ive been doing this work and living this life here for that long. Other days though, I feel like I just got here --- Im pretty sure Ive said this before, but there is so much more to learn, STILL! I mean, first of all, the Spanish language still mangages to puzzle all of us, although I must say we have all improved tremendously. And there are still pieces of my life here that I am just beginning to understand. One of the biggest realizations Ive had here recently is the significance of me being a woman doing the work Im doing. Right, I feel like this is silly for me to write, especially to all of you who knew me in my past college life --- but it took me three months to really see how me being a woman made my work different. I find myself limited in a lot of ways - particularly as I work to gain the respect of the men and boys I work with. I have to be stronger than I would like, I have to be more intentional than ever with the attention I pay and the words I use, I have to fight for respect. But it doesnt always work out - I dont always get treated the way I would like or frankly the way I deserve. Sometimes the disrespect is subtle - a look, a comment that could be interpreted in a few different ways. And sometimes it is more blatant - a hug that just lasts for too long, pet names that are inappropriate for the workplace let alone to give a grown woman, cat calling in the street, plain old disregard. Ive had a few incidents here when I have been so utterly talked down to or degraded that I didnt even know what to do with myself. Its infuriating and hurtful even when you know that the guy Im talking to is a complete scum bag anyway. And the hardest thing for me to manuever is how I should react. I know what I would do in the states, but here I know that I would not be heard if I stood up for myself in the same way. That doesnt mean that I dont stand up for myself - but I hate that I cant or dont go with my gut and say everything that I want to. Its more than just self-control --- its sort of a survival technique and a cultural restraint. Im still deciding how best to handle myself in these situations and I will unfortunately have plenty of time and opportunities to fine tune my strategies. But, asi es la vida in Ecuador.

But the news isnt all so somber (right, you all must know how I get intense like this). I have recently been more involved in the women´s group in the neighborhood and sitting with that small group of neighbors working to do something to better this community is inspiring to say the least. It is with these women that I get my fix of strong women who hold their own and then some. We have started a few big projects that have some great promise to them. Im excited to see what we can accomplish.

Okay world, this is where I leave you. Thank you to all of our friends and families who have been sending mail and packages --- we are all doing a good job taking care of each other but it would be a lie to say that we dont miss you all. Keep the emails and letters coming. Monday is our mail day here and it is the best day of the week by far (I dont know if I will ever ´look forward to Mondays so much). I hope that you are finding love close to you this holiday season and that the new year finds you healthy, happy, and peaceful.

Thoughts on Disparity, and on Navidad!

I spent this Sunday morning at Jenny's house after singing at weekly Sunday Mass in Arbolito. Her three little boys Oscar, Luis, and Nico, are absolutely adorable, and they're starting to feel like my little brothers (They call me ñañita - Ecua way of saying lil sister). Oscarito loves to sing, especially when he has an audience. Sunday morning, he put on the Aventura concert DVD (Aventura is a really popular bachata group from Puerto Rico), and stood next to the TV with a fake microphone singing each and every one of the songs. If I moved from my chair or diverted my attention, he got very upset, haha.

After watching his full-length concert and wrestling with the little ones a bit, I was sitting on the bunk bed in the kitchen where Jenny was cooking lunch (yep, the boys' bedroom also happens to be the kitchen). I love Jenny and look up to her so much. She is a strong, faithful woman and an amazing mother. I love talking to her - we can always be honest with eachother. On this particular day, her mother-in-law who lives just around the corner was over, too, and we were all talking about the retreat groups that Rostro de Cristo hosts. This year, we having a total of 27 groups come down from US high schools and colleges. Much of their time here is spent in our neighborhoods, getting to know the neighbors and the worksites where we volunteers work. Jenny's house is always a memorable spot because she asks the retreat groups hard questions like "So, why did you come here?"

Maria Teresa, Jenny's mother-in-law, is a strong woman too. She asked me on Sunday, "So, can you explain to me what this whole retreat experience is supposed to be about?" So she asked me what exactly this retreat experience meant to the retreatants. I tried to explain to her what it was supposed to mean, but I felt almost a little silly. Basically, it’s to take us out of our culture and allow us to learn from another one. It allows Americans to live and be with the poor for a week and understand at least a small piece of the great injustice in our world, to better appreciate the gifts we have been given, to use the opportunities in our lives to reach out to others, to deepen our faith and strive to see God’s face in others and be God’s face for them. That’s kind of a tall order I know. I didn’t quite know how to explain this to Maria Teresa and Jenny with out sounding like a pompous American – We come to see how you “poor people” live and then go back to our country to help other people. No…I told them that in America, we have a lot, and we don’t always appreciate it. So by coming here, we come to understand a more simple way of living…we see the way Ecuadorians value family, friendship, faith…we hopefully recognize the huge necessity in our world to use our lives to serve others in the best way we can with the talents and opportunities we’ve been given. Hopefully we recognize that in America, those talents and opportunities are abundant.

Jenny and Maria Teresa understood this and agreed that it was a valuable experience for the young Americans. But they had more questions: “So all of these kids have money, no?” “The majority do, yes,” I answered, knowing that in comparison to Jenny’s family even the poorest American retreatant would be like a millionaire. “How come they don’t give us any?” Maria Teresa asked. “I know they come here and learn from us and everything but…Look at our church for example!” She motioned with her chin across the street where the tiny, simple church sits. “If they have money, why don’t they give us a new church?” I didn’t really know what to say.

The Foundation Rostro de Cristo gives A LOT of donations and support to the neighborhoods in which we work and our partner foundations, but the most visible element of our program is the retreat program and the one year volunteer program. I have often thought about the amount of money that goes into sending the retreat groups down or sustaining our lives here for one year – it’s an enormous amount. What if we just raised all that money and donated it to our neighbors who are in such great need? The basic salary in Durán is $200 a month. $2400 a year. Just a plane ticket down here costs about $1000. The thing is, Rostro is based upon trying to employ sustainable ministry – putting programs in place that will hopefully continue; educating people (especially kids) so they can help themselves and not rely on funds coming from the U.S. It is also deeply rooted in a desire to spread awareness about social injustice, particularly to the people who have the power to make a difference (Us!) I understand this completely, and I stand 100% behind the mission of the program because I see the great good it does in the community and the inspiring effect it has on the hundreds of retreatants that pass through each year. But I still struggle a lot with these thoughts, this passion to bring about justice and serve others but not really know how to do it, this deep and horrible disparity that exists in our world between rich and poor with ME on the high end…It’s sad and sometimes disheartening. During orientation, the director Patrick told us that we'd come to a time in the year where we would question everything about the program and about being here...Hah, he was right. Here I am.

Christmas reflections

For me it is incredibly refreshing to have the privilege to be surrounded by this simple culture for a year, especially as Christmas approaches. It is impossible for the people here to be caught up in the hustle and bustle, in the commercialism and materialism that has come to characterize the holiday in many parts of the world (and just over the bridge in the richer part of Guayaquil). It’s about celebrating the birth of the Savior - a Savior who sustains them day in and day out even when their lives are incredibly difficult. It’s about being with family and friends (and even welcoming gringos who have only been here for a few months as part of that family).

It has been really hard to be far away from my family and friends during this season. And it’s been super weird to see Christmas lights and trees and ads and TV specials and all that when it’s 85 or 90 degrees outside! I always kind of chuckle when I am riding home on the bus sweating a ridiculous amount and I see a house decorated for Christmas. I feel like everyone in Ecuador got together and decided to plan Christmas in July parties or something. So funny!

Despite how hard it is to be away from home on Christmas, I have been feeling really warmed by Christmas spirit anyway. We have a Christmas tree in the house and listen to carols pretty much all the time. Last week at Nuevo Mundo, there were a number of Christmas shows and presentations. My 5th grade class who ironically enough gave me the most trouble discipline-wise this semester prepared a little concert for me and brought me cards and candy on our last day of class. Our 3rd graders performed “Little Drummer Boy” in the Prescolar (1st to 3rd grade) Christmas concert and they were ADORABLE. You couldn’t always understand what they were saying but they had the “Pa rum pa pum pum” part down, haha! Friday afternoon on the bus was hilarious – even more wild than normal. It reminded me of how it felt to ride the bus home when I was in grade school the day before a break. Don Pedro was in a great mood – he cranked up the music after we left the school parking lot, and a fiesta ensued. Everyone was just so happy, taking pictures, singing Christmas carols. My favourite part of the day is always watching the little kids get off the bus into the arms of their parents, brothers, and sisters, and on this day, it was even more special. “Feliz Navidad, nos vemos en 2009!” Just a really great day.

Thursday night our community got together to make Christmas cookies, and on Sunday we went carolling and took them around to the neighbors. I never thought I would need to put on sunblock to go Christmas carolling, but there’s a first time for everything. We had a few songs prepared for each house complete with hand motions, and we always finished up with Feliz Navidad Chicka Boom Chicka Boom (a fun version of the song I learned from my high school Spanish teacher Señor Diaz). We were a hit; the families loved us! It was by far one of my favourite things we’ve done in our time here.

Last night, we had a huge Christmas party in the retreat house with all of the guards and employees and their families. It was the most fun I’ve had in Ecuador so far. We started off with a huge dinner, and then played some Ecua party games. For example, you put a balloon between you and your partner and have to dance without letting the balloon fall. My partner was our guard Isidro – he is our gentle giant – huge, but a little reserved and so gentle and caring. We put the balloon in between our foreheads which worked until another guard Wellington popped the balloon with a needle! We also gave the guards superlatives – goofiest, best mouse killer, superhero of Arbolito – they loved it. And of course we finished the night with some salsa dancing (or salsa trying-to-dance for the gringos).

Tomorrow night we’re going to Christmas Eve Mass in the neighbourhood where Danny is playing Joseph in the Christmas play, haha! On Christmas Day we’re all getting together to exchange letters and then going carolling at Padre Damian, the leprosy hospital where Lauren and Carolyn work. The director, Sr. Annie, is having us over for dinner. Then we’re all heading out on night buses to travel for a week or so. I’m heading northeast 9 hours to Puyo, a city on the edge of the Amazon rainforest where we’ll enter the rainforest for a few days! Then we’re going to the nearby city of Baños where they have thermal baths, waterfalls, a scenic bike rides, a volcano, AND a cooler climate! We’ll be back the 31st to ring in 2009 with our neighbors!

Right now I am heading off to a teacher luncheon at Nuevo Mundo. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my thoughts. Know that you are all in my prayers always and especially this Christmas season. Thanks as well for all of the emails, letters, packages…I feel truly blessed to be surrounded by such supportive and loving family and friends. ¡Feliz Navidad y prospero año Nuevo!