28 de agosto experience

Aracely, our Ecuadorian ¨liason¨took me around 28 de agosto to get to know some of the people. First, we visited her aunt who she hadn´t seen or talked to in 7 years. We left there & met an older couple in their 50s who were in the trash dump site. Ara and I walked through all the trash to talk with them, a dense blanket of flies parted for us. They had been piling up paper, plastic, & glass to sell to a recycling place for 3-cents/kilo (paper) & 4-cents/pound (plastic), she had been telling us this as she tried on a pair of old sandals with a raised hell on them. They were also picking out any good food that was among the trash, like ¨verde¨ bananas, potatoes, onions. As the conversation furthered we found out this man has a hernia on his bellybutton & needs surgery. Thankfully he was selected for a free surgery at a hospital that assist low-income patients; unfortunately he can´t pay for any recovery or medicine. His wife also has diabetes and can´t afford any attention. It seems like diabetes is fairly common the poorer areas - I don´t know why, perhaps malnutrtion? But it´s a shame that all the foods that they aren´t supposed to eat, like sugars, potatoes, rice, are the majority of foods they can afford.

After about a 20-min conversation I looked around & realized I was actually standing in the middle of a trash dump, wondering how the hell I got here of all the places I could be right now in this world, looking at all the surrounding cane homes built up on cane stilts, prepared for the rainy season. I wondered why the trash site looked so torn up & scattered and found my answer when I saw our older friend help unload several trashbags off a cart of another man who must live nearby. He started ripping open the plastic bags and scattering the trash around to look for paper, plastic, or glass to sell. I had never seen anything like this… neither could I believe people lived so close to the dump, which brings me to my next house visit. There on the outskirts of the trash lived a lady, her son & her boyfriend. Theird house was literally pieced together with metal roofin and cane and you couldn´t stand up in the house bc it was so short. The story of this lady is another sad story that I feel like I´m becoming calloused to bc I hear so many like it. Her 1st husband abandoned her, her 2nd was killed by theives when their son, Panchito, was 3, and now she lives with her boyfriend, who for some reason doesn´t like the boy, who is now about 10. Now they are trying to scroung up money to pay off their $1500 land payment (with Pancho´s help of not going to school and selling paper & plastic from the dump site) and find a cheaper plot of land to buy & build on, all in less than 1-2 months before the rain season comes & covers their house.

I don´t have anything else to say other than to describe what I saw today. I don´t kno what the solutions are in these sitations or if there are any at all… but why shouldn´t there be? I wonder often if I´m called to something more here in Duran, Ecuador than just empathy for these families, the individuals, who are essentially just like me…

Our mission in RdC is to just accompany these people, not give them money; to share in conversation with them & undersatnd their situations, their struggles, & also the joys they find in their lives. Then I go home to think about how this all is affecting me & just maybe they go home and find a little peace in the conversation we shared, a little bit of hope that there are people in this world who are actually listening…

it's funny to realize, but i've had more time to think in the last three months than i did in four years of college. i constantly find my mind somewhere else, thinking about a myriad of things, mostly concerning my future: what am i going to do when next august roles around? will i go live back in the states? will i do another volunteer program? will i move to argentina? will i go home for six months then move abroad? will i go to grad school? will i move to l.a.? back to chicago? how would i pay to do any of this? these are all good questions i should be asking myself, but right now isn't the time. i need to be here, now, experiencing this, but that has proven to be hard. the last few weeks have been very hard as future plans or friends and family back in the states have consumed my mind, which in turns makes being present here, both mentally and physically, difficult. i thank god every day that i am here, i do, but there have been many days where i just wanted to get on a plane and leave. frustrations with spanish. frustrations with community living. frustrations with ecuadorian culture. it's easy to start to think being here is a mistake. but then it takes some outside perspective to clear the fog sometimes.

pat mcteague is that outside perspective for me. simply, she is my hero. pat mcteague came to ecuador in 1965 with a group of nuns and started working with shoe shine boys in quito. after five years of frustrating attempts at social work and constant lack of oxygen, pat moved to the coast, to guayaquil where she met a future life-long friend and business partner. the pair wanted to create a quality education for the poor of the region, with the hopes that one day a very class-oriented society would integrate and the poor and rich of the guayaquil region would go to school together. twenty-odd years later, their dream came true ... sort of. pat and sonya founded nuevo mundo, a school and foundation which serves the wealthy families of guayaquil in the morning, while serving the poor of guayaquil and duran in the afternoon. both receive the same quality education, which is one of the top programs in the nation. rostro is associated with nuevo mundo for several reasons, one of which is the retreat groups. we take retreat groups to see nuevo mundo's ridiculous campus at the end of their trip to show them the hope and opportunities that exist for kids in duran, and at the end of the tour, pat talks with the group. this is one of my favorite stops with groups because even though she conveys the same message every time, with 24 groups a year, she still has a passion and sincerity that excites me every time i hear her speak. she is one of the reasons i am here. she has this way of conveying my responsibility to be here. i'm a white male from the united states. i have a college education. a passport. in essence i have access to anything i want in the world. how many other people can say that? maybe two percent of the world. so if i'm part of the two percent with all of these privileges, what does that mean? do i have a responsibility to help the rest of the world that lives in inhumane conditions, facing the worst of atrocities. what do i do? can i lead a guilt free life and do nothing? i say this because of this: anytime i feel like being here is a mistake, i should talk with pat. she makes me feel like i truly have a reason for being here. like i should be living an extrodinary life. listening to her talk makes me excited about all of this. that this is my responsibility.

and what better way to be present then celebrate? last night we went across the street to abrahan's (ab-BRAN) house for his 30th birthday party. abrahan, who is one of the guards at our house, is one of those guys who always has a smile on his face, always joking and eternally thinks he's a college frat boy. his party was no different. lots of dancing, lots of music (the loudest speakers in the city), lots of food, lots of fun. i left his house around 1:30 am and rejoined the party as it was still going at 8:30 this morning, (if that gives you any indication as to how parties go down here.) at one point in the night, after abrahan had yelled at me to come back over to the party, we played this little game where abrahan would pick someone from the party, tell them to choose a balloon which had a piece of paper in it, pop it, then abrahan would read the piece of paper and the person would have to act out whatever he said. my balloon, which abrahan loved since he always jokes with the male volunteers about being ¨sopa¨(gay) was to shout at the top of my lungs ¨quiero un hombre que haga me feliz¨three times (i want a man to make me happy). it was hilarious how something so small made abrahan crack up so much. this is why i need to be present. to remember this. to experience this.

A Selfish Year

The formating didn´t work on this comp, so it might be spaced out weird sorry...

Well, well, well...we meet again! I have been out and about doing a number of things and I apologize it has been a while since I last wrote.

Before I came to Ecuador, I knew this year was part¨selfish.¨ I wanted to be in South America, in a country that enjoyed soccer, had good food, had a program where I could live in community, where I could live in an impoverished area, and be told what to do for a while. I wanted it to be a time where I could discern what the next steps of my life were. Whatever I wanted, it is what I wanted. Of course, I discerned the program and it felt right to come to Ecuador, but for the most part it was to answer desires and needs within myself. It was not to come to ¨make a difference¨ or to ¨save anyone¨ from anything, not to say that that is the mentality of anyone here. But this year was to take my time, enjoy myself, and figure out pieces of my future.

As a result, I get very excited about my future! There are so many possibilities and options that blow my mind and I enjoying thinking about them. The thoughts I have include, living in Argentina next year. Trying out for a soccer team. Possibly doing a masters program in Argentina. Doing a masters program at BC, or another Jesuit university. Opening up an eatery in some Latin American beach town. Riding a bicycle through pieces of the Americas. And then of course, the great excitement, but patience, for children. All of these, of course are great thoughts. The problem is, when I think of them, I stop living in the present with those around me, and turn in to my own little world. (Not too mention, when we are living we listen to what God and the world wants from us and our plans and desires inevitably change.)

Therefore, when I am out of the present, thinking of the joys of the future, I grow in guilt. Guilt that I do not appreciate the joys of the present and guilt that I am doing a disservice to the world and those around me, denying them my love and closing off to receiving their love. All for the sake of my thoughts and excitements of the future. There are countless joys in the present! Of course, it is not bad to think of the future and to be excited for the beauties that lie ahead, but for me, in order to transform the world, to create justice and breed love, (all reason why we live I believe) we must be in the present.

When we are present we form relationships and nourish ourselves and the those around us. And when we are present we nourish God. For me, we reach God in one another and in Nature. But to do so, we must be present and feel our emotions and partake in what we have around us. There is nothing like sharing conversation, work, play, fear with one another for we share in God. And when we stand barefoot and let the grass caress our feet, or marvel at the stars in all their wonder, or feel the wind play with our hair or push our body, it is as if we are kissing God. And when these two are combined, relationships and Nature, we are in true harmony of what it means to love and be loved. It is then when we find our humanity, divinity and joy.

Of course, not all moments are good and we are in pain. There is a lot of perpetual suffering and innocent who hurt. Perpetual suffering is a real kick. But when we experience things together, in silence, tears and confusion, when we question, when we become vulnerable with one another, showing our weakness, which is to say our humanity, we come that much closer to love, peace and justice. When we do come together in our weakness, it is there that we become strong and we can take more action as a group, be it collaborating or lobbying for an issue, or building a well, or opening up a shop, or placing someone in power or righting the wrong caused by blind oppression (because the oppressors rarely recognize what they are doing, hell I oppress at times).

Justice, peace and deeper love are the result of our love and desire to share in the humanity and divinity of each. There is a dignity within each person, that is fulfilled most when we are present, and we look the person in the eye, our lover or a beggar, and give them our love and more importantly maybe, receive theirs.

I recognize, that this desire to create justice and breed love, through being present and creating relationships is not exclusive to Ecuador. It can be done anywhere, at anytime, by all people. And that is why I say this year is part selfish . I wanted to be here, (let me say too that I trust there is a deeper reason as to why I am here), but what happens here is not particular to Ecuador. It is particular to the possibility of all of as humans as children of Love, that is, children of a God of all. We can all create change and breed love, and we need to, because there is some tough stuff going on in this world, but we are stronger than the suffering.

So we will see what the future holds for me personally, after all surprises are nice. And if we listen to our heart, as The Little Prince reminds us, we cannot go wrong. My mom always told me to listen to my heart for it is where God dwelled inside me, and it has not steered me wrong yet.

Other than that, things have been becoming more ¨normal¨ here, that is to say, while I learn everyday, I am a little less surprised and more aware. I have been confirmed by many to ask the ¨poor¨ who the poor are and what poverty is (many think it is those without values, confirming that inability to look at poverty as simply an economic state), and am reminded in the need to hold a child who is crying after she has fallen for in that moment, that is the only thing in the world that matters.

Finally, to show you the craziness that can be Ecuador, I passed a school Thursday which had about 100 6-11 year olds hulded around a twenty foot pole at the end of the school day. At the top of the pole was rice, flour, snacks, daipers, soda, toothpaste, a number of treats. The kids had to climb up the pole to get the treats. BUT! there was a catch, the pole was covered in grease HAHA Palo Encevado they call it. It was hillarious! You had all these kids standing on each other, climbing up the pole like Cirque du Soleil and parents and kids laughing galore, oohing and ahhing as kids slid down and steped on one another. I have the pictures on a friends camera, I will try to get them up soon. It was great!

I leave you now with some pictures and gratitude for reading my blog. Thank you again for your comments, prayers and love. I am thinking of all with whom my path has crossed and am grateful for all of it. Peace amigos! http://santiagobuncevalente.blogspot.com/ (for pictures).

I thought it would be easier...

First a quick response to Jenny's comment: You're spot on Jen. I wrote that last post in a particularly low moment when my level of jealousy of all the volunteers who have something to cling to in the day to day--be it a job or grad school-- was particularly high. I don't mean to say that any one's Ecua experience is getting put on a shelf. I know that it permeates everything you do. I am struggling big time with the fact that I spent all this money on college and worked all these internships for experience, and on top of that I went to Ecuador with all of you and so far employers don't seem to value any of it because I'm not 30 and don't have 6 years in the field. Maybe it's impatience or lack of trust in God's plan, but it's tough when I have nothing to do but write cover letters and think about Ecuador every single day.

Still here, still adrift unemployed etc, etc. But I feel much better now that I sent my first package off to Duran. I managed to hammer out 17 letters and some goodies for the volunteers, because I need to entice them to deliver all those letters. I hope that the board meeting for Rostro goes well and benefits Ecuador in the end. I have been talking a lot with my parents and my "advisory board," of people who know me and love me. I do a lot of talking and strategizing every day about how I will get to DC, but not a lot of action happens because almost everything after the cover letter and resume leave my desktop is out of my control. Which of course makes me think of the time in Ecuador when I was so infuriated about my lack of control. The more things change...I wonder what my Ecuadorian "advisory board' would say to me. What would Lupe or Eduardo or Paquita or Aracely say to me? Would I be ashamed by their thoughts on patience and trust and expectation? Would they scold me for having forgotten my lessons on injustice and knowing how to be fully present in the present? Would they be disillusioned to learn that the U.S. is not an overflowing font of employment opportunities even for those of us who have studied? What would they say?

Lord I believe, help my unbelief.