A Selfish Year

The formating didn´t work on this comp, so it might be spaced out weird sorry...

Well, well, well...we meet again! I have been out and about doing a number of things and I apologize it has been a while since I last wrote.

Before I came to Ecuador, I knew this year was part¨selfish.¨ I wanted to be in South America, in a country that enjoyed soccer, had good food, had a program where I could live in community, where I could live in an impoverished area, and be told what to do for a while. I wanted it to be a time where I could discern what the next steps of my life were. Whatever I wanted, it is what I wanted. Of course, I discerned the program and it felt right to come to Ecuador, but for the most part it was to answer desires and needs within myself. It was not to come to ¨make a difference¨ or to ¨save anyone¨ from anything, not to say that that is the mentality of anyone here. But this year was to take my time, enjoy myself, and figure out pieces of my future.

As a result, I get very excited about my future! There are so many possibilities and options that blow my mind and I enjoying thinking about them. The thoughts I have include, living in Argentina next year. Trying out for a soccer team. Possibly doing a masters program in Argentina. Doing a masters program at BC, or another Jesuit university. Opening up an eatery in some Latin American beach town. Riding a bicycle through pieces of the Americas. And then of course, the great excitement, but patience, for children. All of these, of course are great thoughts. The problem is, when I think of them, I stop living in the present with those around me, and turn in to my own little world. (Not too mention, when we are living we listen to what God and the world wants from us and our plans and desires inevitably change.)

Therefore, when I am out of the present, thinking of the joys of the future, I grow in guilt. Guilt that I do not appreciate the joys of the present and guilt that I am doing a disservice to the world and those around me, denying them my love and closing off to receiving their love. All for the sake of my thoughts and excitements of the future. There are countless joys in the present! Of course, it is not bad to think of the future and to be excited for the beauties that lie ahead, but for me, in order to transform the world, to create justice and breed love, (all reason why we live I believe) we must be in the present.

When we are present we form relationships and nourish ourselves and the those around us. And when we are present we nourish God. For me, we reach God in one another and in Nature. But to do so, we must be present and feel our emotions and partake in what we have around us. There is nothing like sharing conversation, work, play, fear with one another for we share in God. And when we stand barefoot and let the grass caress our feet, or marvel at the stars in all their wonder, or feel the wind play with our hair or push our body, it is as if we are kissing God. And when these two are combined, relationships and Nature, we are in true harmony of what it means to love and be loved. It is then when we find our humanity, divinity and joy.

Of course, not all moments are good and we are in pain. There is a lot of perpetual suffering and innocent who hurt. Perpetual suffering is a real kick. But when we experience things together, in silence, tears and confusion, when we question, when we become vulnerable with one another, showing our weakness, which is to say our humanity, we come that much closer to love, peace and justice. When we do come together in our weakness, it is there that we become strong and we can take more action as a group, be it collaborating or lobbying for an issue, or building a well, or opening up a shop, or placing someone in power or righting the wrong caused by blind oppression (because the oppressors rarely recognize what they are doing, hell I oppress at times).

Justice, peace and deeper love are the result of our love and desire to share in the humanity and divinity of each. There is a dignity within each person, that is fulfilled most when we are present, and we look the person in the eye, our lover or a beggar, and give them our love and more importantly maybe, receive theirs.

I recognize, that this desire to create justice and breed love, through being present and creating relationships is not exclusive to Ecuador. It can be done anywhere, at anytime, by all people. And that is why I say this year is part selfish . I wanted to be here, (let me say too that I trust there is a deeper reason as to why I am here), but what happens here is not particular to Ecuador. It is particular to the possibility of all of as humans as children of Love, that is, children of a God of all. We can all create change and breed love, and we need to, because there is some tough stuff going on in this world, but we are stronger than the suffering.

So we will see what the future holds for me personally, after all surprises are nice. And if we listen to our heart, as The Little Prince reminds us, we cannot go wrong. My mom always told me to listen to my heart for it is where God dwelled inside me, and it has not steered me wrong yet.

Other than that, things have been becoming more ¨normal¨ here, that is to say, while I learn everyday, I am a little less surprised and more aware. I have been confirmed by many to ask the ¨poor¨ who the poor are and what poverty is (many think it is those without values, confirming that inability to look at poverty as simply an economic state), and am reminded in the need to hold a child who is crying after she has fallen for in that moment, that is the only thing in the world that matters.

Finally, to show you the craziness that can be Ecuador, I passed a school Thursday which had about 100 6-11 year olds hulded around a twenty foot pole at the end of the school day. At the top of the pole was rice, flour, snacks, daipers, soda, toothpaste, a number of treats. The kids had to climb up the pole to get the treats. BUT! there was a catch, the pole was covered in grease HAHA Palo Encevado they call it. It was hillarious! You had all these kids standing on each other, climbing up the pole like Cirque du Soleil and parents and kids laughing galore, oohing and ahhing as kids slid down and steped on one another. I have the pictures on a friends camera, I will try to get them up soon. It was great!

I leave you now with some pictures and gratitude for reading my blog. Thank you again for your comments, prayers and love. I am thinking of all with whom my path has crossed and am grateful for all of it. Peace amigos! http://santiagobuncevalente.blogspot.com/ (for pictures).