I thought it would be easier...

First a quick response to Jenny's comment: You're spot on Jen. I wrote that last post in a particularly low moment when my level of jealousy of all the volunteers who have something to cling to in the day to day--be it a job or grad school-- was particularly high. I don't mean to say that any one's Ecua experience is getting put on a shelf. I know that it permeates everything you do. I am struggling big time with the fact that I spent all this money on college and worked all these internships for experience, and on top of that I went to Ecuador with all of you and so far employers don't seem to value any of it because I'm not 30 and don't have 6 years in the field. Maybe it's impatience or lack of trust in God's plan, but it's tough when I have nothing to do but write cover letters and think about Ecuador every single day.

Still here, still adrift unemployed etc, etc. But I feel much better now that I sent my first package off to Duran. I managed to hammer out 17 letters and some goodies for the volunteers, because I need to entice them to deliver all those letters. I hope that the board meeting for Rostro goes well and benefits Ecuador in the end. I have been talking a lot with my parents and my "advisory board," of people who know me and love me. I do a lot of talking and strategizing every day about how I will get to DC, but not a lot of action happens because almost everything after the cover letter and resume leave my desktop is out of my control. Which of course makes me think of the time in Ecuador when I was so infuriated about my lack of control. The more things change...I wonder what my Ecuadorian "advisory board' would say to me. What would Lupe or Eduardo or Paquita or Aracely say to me? Would I be ashamed by their thoughts on patience and trust and expectation? Would they scold me for having forgotten my lessons on injustice and knowing how to be fully present in the present? Would they be disillusioned to learn that the U.S. is not an overflowing font of employment opportunities even for those of us who have studied? What would they say?

Lord I believe, help my unbelief.