I´m in Ecuador. How on earth did i get here?

Two days ago i came to this cyber cafe (internet access for 50c/hr), did the email thing for an hour, and decided it was time to head home (just 2 blocks away) to start preparing dinner. I left the cyber realizing that this was the first time i was outside of the gates of our Rostro de Cristo home alone - big deal! I´m officially one of those frighteningly cool international volunteers that knows her way around a remote, unheard-of impoverished city. As i walked down the road i saw Gabriel ahead--one of our neighbors, a 70something man who makes gorgeous leather products in his cement home and loves talking to volunteers and retreatants about international news and the dynamics of love. He spotted me too and shouted ¨¡hola chica! ¿como estas?¨ I stopped, did the kiss on the cheek thing, and chatted with him for a moment (yes, in Spanish!). He was on his way to do some shopping (presumably buying just enough food for dinner at the store on the corner) and commented on the beautiful weather. We said ciao and I continued down the road thinking ¨wow, i´m in Ecuador, outside the gates by myself, and i walk down the road and i know someone...and we stopped to chat... damn...thats pretty cool...¨

Then i see a group of kids ahead, some sitting on the sidewalk and others playing soccer in the middle of the road, as all Ecuakids do, and they saw me and started shouting ¨¡Elisa! ¡Elisa!¨ I went over and did the kiss on the cheek thing again and said hello to all of them, patted them on the head, got in the way of the soccer game, and continued on my way, again thinking ¨wow, not only do I know an old man walking down the street in Ecuador, a group of kids eagerly shouts my name and wants to say hi...thats really cool...¨

I turn the corner and arrive back at the house and the guard Omar opens the gate for me and asks if i was at the cyber, and i said yes, writing to my parents and my friends. I had it in my mind that i was going to go upstairs and see what was up for dinner and veg out, but i realized no, here in Ecuador you obviously stop and converse frequently with neighbors, as i just learned. He asked me what i studied in school, so after warning Omar that i studied French for 10 years and my Spanish is no good, we spent like 15 minutes talking about how interesting it is that Ecuadorians follow many religions (relatively speaking. the country is about 85% Roman Catholic by name, the rest is mosly Evangelical), but in Pakistan, everyone follows Islam! Omar thinks this is fascinating. From here the conversation turned to issues of women in Islam, headcoverings, etc. I think he finds it oppressive but in my extremely limited Spanish i said something like ´but also some women choose because for security and faith and prayer´. Who wouldda thought that i´d be referencing my Islam in America class in the urban slums of Ecuador. I obviously couldn´t do justice to my thoughts about the subject in Spanish, but I tried. We also talked about peace and meditation in Buddhism, and finally Omar´s favorite celebrity biographies. This was my very first successful conversation in Spanish. How unsurprising that it was about world religions. I was elated.

I´m in Ecuador. I know a leatherworker walking down the road on his way to do some shopping. I know children who attend the neighborhood after-school program called Valdivia. They shout my name and want me to play with them. I talk to the guard about my passions.

As a community bonding activity last week, the 12 volunteers made each other name tags for our bedroom doors. Amy made mine, and on it she drew a litte hill with a seed planted and a flower growing up from it. I decided that i´m going to keep it growing. Every time I feel that i had a significant growth moment or experience, i´ll draw a little more of the plant growing up from the seed. I wonder how big it will get. This day was the first new growth on the plant.

I start work Monday. We finally chose our work sites yesterday. In the mornings i´ll be a tutor / teacher´s assistant in a program called Centro de Solidaridad de Santiago Apostol. It gives an education streetkids who are seriously behind in their schooling because they dropped out to work to help their families. Founded by the Christian Life Movement (mainly in Latin America but also present in the US) , it takes a Catholic and holistic approach to ending child labor. The school even makes Mass and Reconciliation available in the building regularly. Love it. I´ll be working in the girls program. Who would have ever thought i´d end up here? Me? In an educational setting? No way. I have no idea what i´m getting into, i have no idea why i think i´ll be of any good service here, i have no idea what skills and talents lay buried inside me that might be of use to these kids, i have no idea what i´m doing. But i´m thrilled and excited and trusting.

In the afternoons i´ll be co-running an after-school program called Manos Abiertas (Open Hands) with two other RdC volunteers. It´s in a section of the city called 28 de Agosto, and its a ¨former¨ trash dump (many people/companies still dump there). People are living in cane houses along dirt roads with no running water and extremely difficult access to healthcare. Out of all three after-school programs run by RdC, these kids have the most discipline challenges, least formal education, and generally the shittiest situations overall. But they´re beautiful and energetic and i´ll be blessed to work with them. Once i start working i´ll have more to share about this. Again, i have no idea why anyone would think i´ll be any good at this, but i´m thrilled.

I´m in Ecuador. And i love it.

Orientation & First Thoughts

Well, I’ve made it to the 10 day mark in Ecuador. Things here have been very busy and this is my first chance to really spend some time at the cyber (internet cafe). To start with I had two great weeks of orientation in Ohio, my RdC group of 12 was also with about 25 Jesuit Volunteers International (JVI) who were all going to different parts of the world. It was great to meet such a diverse group of people! We also had some fantastic speakers, who spoke on topics from living in an intentional community to teaching and social work 101. One of my favorite parts though was a two day silent retreat to PA. It was a great opportunity to reflect on what we’d learned at orientation and the year to come.Now for some Ecuador stories. Our first week here all twelve of us were in one retreat house as we began to meet our community and visit the potential site placements. One of the perks of this in-country orientation though was that two of our Ecuadorian workers Diana and Aide would come over in the evening and teach us to cook Ecua food, I am definitely a huge fan of fried plantain. As for job sites, we have a variety of different opportunities ranging from healthcare to social work and teaching. Before I divulge where I ended up I would like to share one particularly inspiring story. A couple days ago we visited the Padre Damian House for people with Hanson’s disease (leprosy). One of the men there had not received treatment for the disease until it had severely progressed and due to this he had both of his legs amputated, was blind, missing all his teeth, and had sores all over his arms and hands. However, before we went into his room to visit him the director of the program Sr. Annie told us that despite his condition he believes that he still has an important role in the world and that he can bring happiness to people by singing. While I couldn’t understand the words he was using as he sang to us there was definitely an immense positive energy radiating from him. If this wasn’t a lesson in sharing your talents, whatever they may be, I don’t know what is.Now for the two placements I fell in love with. As RdC volunteers we have both morning and afternoon placements. The afternoon placements are three after school programs that RdC runs and also teaching at a private school that is for the wealthy in the morning and is for poorer students in the afternoon. At first I was fairly sure that I wanted to work at the program that would be near the house I’m living in and where the children are academically farther ahead and there is overall more structure. Then I visited Manos Abiertas (Open Hands) an after school program located in 28 de Agosto. 28 is an invasion community that was built on a trash dump, which they say is no longer a dump, but in reality dump trucks are still seen there on a regular basis. The children of 28 normally don’t have as much formal education and some even make money by sorting through the trash fields. However, their energy and spirit is clearly present from the smiles on their faces. I love everything about Manos, but the moment when I knew I wanted to be there was as I was reading Jorge Curioso (Curious George) to a couple children and as it was time for me to leave they said ok we’re on page 22, so don’t forget to come back and finish reading to us. While choosing job sites is a community effort and sometimes requires compromise, I was grateful that it worked out that I was able to be the director for Manos Abiertas and I will be working with one of our Ecuadorian workers Aide and two other volunteers Elyse and Danny.For the morning placement I was starting to worry a little because I hadn’t seen one that I really felt called to. Then on the last day of visits we went to Santiago Apostal. This is a school whose mission is to end child labor, but instead of just pulling kids of the street they have a very dynamic system that not only promotes educating kids but that includes bringing in parents and providing micro-business opportunities for parents to make more money so that the kids won’t have to work on the street. This includes teaching baking and cooking, and from that helping the parents, normally the mothers, to setup Panderias (bread stores) to sell their goods, they also have a sewing shop where the moms make clothes and purses, and this Saturday Miss Ecuador will be introducing a new line of clothes that will be made by the moms of the children of Santiago Apostal. All of this is very exciting, especially considering that the organization is only in its third year. So I am very excited to have the chance to work with and be a part of this organization.One final note, we moved into our house four days ago. I am living with four other girls in Antonio Jose de Sucre (AJS). This is a more developed community and has had RdC volunteers for around 15 years now. The seven other volunteers are in Arbolito about a mile and a half away. This community has only had volunteers for about 5 years, the community is much larger and there are still some fairly dangerous areas. But the upside is that the space we have there is a little bigger than the one at AJS. Overall, I think both communities are amazing and will have an exciting year together. I’ll try to give another update in a couple weeks once I have actually been at my placements for a while. Feel free to send me comments or e-mail and I will try to respond as quickly as I can. Hope all is well in the states.

This fool is in the stars

“May God bless us with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that we will live deep in our hearts.
May God bless us with anger
At injustice, oppression & exploitation of people and the earth
So that we will work for justice, equity, and peace.
May God bless us with tears
To shed for those who suffer,
So that we will reach out our hands to comfort them and change their pain to joy.
May God bless us with foolishness
To think that we can make a difference in the world,
So we will do the things which others say cannot be done.”

From “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers

For some reason I still have doubt. I should by now be full of confidence for a future of change with all the experience I have gained just in this year; from all the victory stories I’ve seen from Pat McTeague & Sonya at Nuevo Mundo, Sister Annie Credidio, B.V.M. at Damien House, and all the smaller, more personal stories of people on the local level. It all seems so simple, starting with a handful of money and a heart full of faith. But there’s still the hesitation, the doubt, the unbelief in the possibility – especially with me having a role in it. I have to rid myself of the idea that I’m not good enough, smart enough, or not a hard enough worker. Because I know I am, I just have to listen to God and follow my heart on where it leads me.

Deep down, I want nothing more than to “live deep in my heart; work for justice & peace; to change pain to joy; to do that which others say cannot be done.” This is my motivation to continue in my faith journey. If there is no action to my faith, then it is not alive. That is the dryness I experienced through much of college. My faith – God – has called me to more. I can no longer yearn for things but I know now that I must work for things.

Sometimes I feel like I should, or have to, plow down a new path in order to make a difference. I know this is false. People have constructed good things for us to build upon to make even better and stronger. And I can see myself maybe branching off something bigger to continue its work in a new realm.

On the other hand, I feel like I wouldn’t be creative enough to do this, and that I would end up just working in the flow of normal, monotonous work, getting lost in the smaller systems & losing sight of how big, grand, wondrous, and miraculous this world is. This is my fear. Not that this work is bad, unproductive, or inefficient but my heart is set on the though of something big, grand, wondrous, and miraculous – no matter how small it may be. Maybe that is wrong; but that’s all part of being foolish. The people who make things happen for good causes are those that society thinks are a little off. I know plenty of people who think I’m a little off, so I’d like to think I’m off to a good start.

And don’t get me wrong – I do have faith. Like I’ve said, I’ve seen the results of the hard work of many foolish people! And now I’m closer than ever because of the network I’ve established. I can’t let this go; God has equipped me with resources, a great network, talent, experience, opportunity… he wouldn’t have gifted me with it if he didn’t trust me with it or didn’t think I could do it. So this realization also gives me faith and hope. But there’s so much to say about doubt. Without doubt there would be no faith. Whenever you are experiencing doubt, you should not get frustrated. In fact, this is your chance to shine! Embrace every single doubt you have but approach it with curiosity and the attitude of having nothing to lose. The worst thing that will happen is that you will gain a load of experience. So, don’t let anyone tell you doubt is a bad thing or that you are weak because the fact of the matter is that you are on the brink of some sort of victory!

Thinking back to high school & college experiences & relationships, I still taste the remnants of the “easy answers, half-truths, & superficial relationships.” And honestly, much of it derived from my religious education & Catholic doctrine and my involvement within many faith circles. There are a lot of fake people in church; perhaps I was one of them. But this life experience inEcuador and all the doubt I’ve ever had in God has been the bridge between prayer & action. And action has only led me back to the necessity of prayer. Now if I could only get that figured out…

Sidenote: With prayer, I realize that I pray best when I’m in a setting that makes me realize how small I am in this huge, miraculous world. I think that’s one of the reasons for not being as prayerful this year. Durán is ugly & it’s hard to generally feel good in this place. But I’ll soon be gone; however, only I can leave, the people of Durán don’t have much of a choice. Anyway, I think my connection between prayer & the grandeur of this world directly correlates to my desire to get into Astronomy. I want a telescope to wonder at the grandeur of the sky, the solar system, and this unlimited world.

So hopefully with more prayer, more faith, more God, more relationships based on making this world a better place, I can turn discomfort into peace in my heart; anger into working for justice; tears into bringing joy to others; foolishness into changing the world.

“You have no right to fail.”
-Pat McTeague, President of Nuevo Mundo