A Beautiful Day

It´s a beautiful, sunny Sunday afternoon here in Ecuador! The first
draft of this note was composed from the hammock on my front porch,
where the shade hid me at least from a bit of the heat. Right now we
are in the coolest part of the year for Ecuadorians and lots of
mornings it is cloudy and cool, but when the clouds burn off it gets
really warm. This morning there were no clouds and the heat started
early, promising a hot, muggy day. I think I probably sweat my body
weight in water every day here and so I am trying hard not to imagine
what its going to feel like January through April, when the rainy
season hits, promising muggyness and mid90s to mid100 highs every day
(I am praying that I can become accustomed to the climate!)... The
heat makes me feel lazy, and I am taking a day off after a long week.
Some of my community-mates are off visiting a neighbor, and others are
planning to go watch a soccer game later today, but I think for me the
plan for today is to get a big of breathing time in, to catch up on
the notes to family and friends, to do some laundry and to relax so
that I can start the next week running!

Perhaps I should begn my update by sharing my worksites with you all.
To be honest, they came as a surprise even to me! As we started the
discernment process, I felly expected to feel drawn towards one of the
two medical placements, an AIDS clinic and Padre Damien´s, a hospital
for people with Hansen´s disease (leprosy). I did like both of those
sites, and could imagine myself working at either one of them, but
ultimately I felt called in a different direction. In the afternoons,
I am going to be teaching English (the last thing I expected - or
wanted - to do coming down here!) in a school called Nuevo Mundo (new
world). In the mornings, I am our new ¨community outreach worker,¨and
I will also be spending a day a weeek at Padre Damien´s, letting me
fulfill my medical interests too, and affording me a possibility to
participate and translate durng the times that medical teams from the
states come down to work.

Let me tell you a bit more about my two placements, though, and about
why I am so excited. Nuevol Mundo was founded 30 years ago by Pat, and
ex-nun from the States, and Sonia, her Ecuadorian partner. In the
morning, it provides a high-quality, bilingual education to wealthy
students of Guayaquil. From the money they made with the morning
school, 25 years ago the two women were able to found the afternoon
school, where I will be working. This afternoon school provides the
same quality education to intelligent, highly-motivated studenbts from
areas such as the neighborhood in which I live - students who
othervise would have no access to a quality education. The afternoon
school will open doors to them which would never have been possible
otherwise. I will be partnering with an Ecuadorian teacher to teach
fourth, fifth, and sixth graders, and we will split the classes and
teach the same material. I truly feel called to this position but at
the same time I´m feeling pretty nervous about my teaching abilities
(or lack thereof!). Keep me in your prayers...

The main emphasis of my morning site is to further Rostro´s
relationship with the communities in which we live, as well as doing
some extra housekeeping stuff for Rostro. The exact form this position
will take is still a work in progress, but it may end up looking
something like spending Monday visiting neighbors in the AJS community
and Wednesday in Arbolito, doing some accounting and errands for
Rostro on Tuesday, Nuevo mundo planning on Thursday, and going to
Padre Damien on Friday, as well as working at our local soup kitchen a
few days a week, visiting the sites at which my community-mates are
working to familiarize myself with their services and to be able to
refer people in the community to those places, etc. The variety and
the room for creativity in this placement really appeal to me, and
most of all I am excited about the conversations with my neighbors,
about the opportunity to share and to accompany and to learn.

I feel like this note is running long but I´d like to share one more
thing with you all before closing, a moment that I fould to be
particularly powerful and meaningful to me. On Wednesday I went to
Mass with two of my community mates at their worksite, el Proyecto
Salesiano chicos de la calle. This program, or ¨Chicos,¨as we call it,
is a home and school for boys that were formerly living and working on
the streets of Guayaquil and surrounding areas. The gospel for mass on
Wednesday morning was the one about how ïts harder for a camel to pass
through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get to heaven.¨I´d
heard the passage a million times over back in the States, generally
sitting in an air-conditioned church, surrounded by other
estadounidense churchgoers, many of whom, like me, led a very
comfortable life. What a change, then, what a contrast, to listen to
this gospel passage surrounded by those we in the states would easily
define as the poor - boys that had left their homes to live and work
in the streets! You don´t get much poorer than that. And then came the
homily, in which the priest, the man who runs Chicos, proceeded to
tell these boys just how rich they were - rich in abilities, rich in
opportunities. Here, he told them, you are rich, because you have the
opportunity to get an education. Here, he said, you are rich because
you get three meals a day. Here, you are rich because you have your
own bed to sleep in, while many sleep 3 or 4 to a bed, or have to bed
at all. Once he had firmly established how very rich these boys were,
he proceeded to chastise them for the times they didn´t do their
homework, for the times they didn´t bathe or present themselves in the
best manner, for the times they weren´t grateful for that which they
had been given. More emphatically than I had heard in any homily in
the states, he told these boys that from those to whom much had been
given, much was expected........... It certainly put a few things in
perspective for me. I feel as though I have been given the world.

I want you to know that I am thinking of you all, and that I hope that
everything is going well for you! I can´t believe that summer is
already drawing to a close. I hope those of you who are heading back
to school, whether in the form of student or teacher!, are feeling up
to the task... I´m sure you are all going to do great :) I am
incredibly thankful for the notes I received in response to my last
email - keep them coming, por favor! I am missing you all, and it
makes me feel just a bit more connected to you all at home.

Sending you an incredible amount of love, straight from this tiny
internet cafe in the middle of Ecuador to you, wherever you might be
in the States. I am grateful for you all!

Touching Down

So after two weeks of orientation in Cleveland, I'm a week and a half
into my incountry orientation in ecuador... a few more days and that
should all be finished and i will be, i hope, VERY well orientated by
that point!

We spent our first week here living in the retreat house, where high
school and college kids stay during their immersion trips here.
Saturday night we got split into two different houses, as Rostro has
two separate houses where volunteers live in two different
neighborhoods. We will still, hopefully, be seeing a lot of one
another but the split determined who we would be living with and
spending time with on a daily basis.

I'm now living in the Arbolito community with 5 volunteers, an there
are 5 other volunteers in the Antonio Jose de Sucre neighborhood.
Arbolito is the newer, less developed and visibly poorer of the two
neighborhoods. I live on a dirt road in a very urban area. Many of my
neighbors live in cane houses. In the AJS comunity, the roads are all
paved, and the houses, for the most part, constructed of cement. And
yet they all face the systemic issues. Lack of running water, poor
education, children going to work to provide for their families. And
the list continues, always multiplying, kind of like the holes dotting
the tin roof of the home of one of my neighbors. I can only imagine
what the rainy season must be like.

And yet.... dont want this note to be full of shocking descriptions
of the poverty around me. I do want to give you a bit of a picture, a
bit of a context in which to place this year for me. To complete this
context, though, I might have to introduce you to the friendly faces
of Wellington, Eduardo, Omar, Isidro, and Elvis, our guards. To
Ricardo, Diana, and Aide, the Ecuadorian staff of Rostros after school
programs. To Joseph, Daniel, Elvis, Junior, the funny, welcoming
teenage boys who serve as "ayudantes" in the afterschool program in
Arbolito. To Kiki, the party crazy but wholly warm and welcoming woman
who is active in the local church, to Nanci and Patricia, who welcomed
us into their homes, to Sister Annie, who runs Padre Damiens home for
people with Hansens disease, to all of the beautiful, beautiful
children who come to our afterschool programs.

Its funny, this past week has been very different for me than if Id
come here as a retreatant, one of the high school and college kids we
host for a week or two. For example, weve been visiting different job
sites and discerning where we might fit for the next year. The home
for street children, the AIDS clinic... these arent just passing
visits, something to see and soak in about Ecuador... these are
possible job placements for me. Visiting peoples homes, I am not so
much marveling at their poverty as seeing them as my neighbors, as
potential friends. Meeting people on the streets, I smile and say
"buenas" and think "wow. this is my community for the next year." In
sum, I suppose this week has felt a lot less emotional and a lot more
pragmatic than one of those whirlwind tours. I like it. Every day, I
feel incredibly thankful to be here.

I promised myself, and you all, that Id keep this short. I have to
apologize already...

Please keep me in your prayers, as we will be discussing job sites and
deciding where we will be working over the next year within the next
day or two. You all, of course, are continually in my prayers.

Gracias a Dios

I spent last weekend at Playas Beach with my community and with 2 former volunteers, Mike and Jill, who flew down to direct our last community retreat of the year. Our last retreat...the fourth out of four...so hard to believe. I remember loading up the van in November to head to Crucita or our first retreat of the year. What a different place I was in then! At that point, I was looking ahead with a mix of excitement and weariness at the 9 months that still lay ahead of me. Somehow, I blinked, and it became June. Now I find myself looking back over the last 11 months with a full heart. I have felt so many emotions, and really have been transformed by the reality I have lived here.

The weather was beautiful at the beach. Breezy and cool at night and sunny but not suffocatingly hot during the day. On Saturday morning, I was sitting on the beach, looking out into the big, beautiful, breathtaking ocean. I mean really...the sight of the blue, green, white, turquoise, sparkling waves; the feel of the fresh, crisp air brushing over my goosebumpy arms; the INMENSITY of the water stretching out to meet the blue sky...it gets me everytime. I love praying on the beach. I was sitting there with my journal in my lap, and suddenly my pen just began to go. This is why I love journaling. I am never really sure what's coming when I sit down to write, but it is always therapeutic. As I was reflecting, I was really aware of the cool air around me and how I felt on the beach. My mind starting wandering back to all these times in my life when I had felt similar feelings...shivering in my towel before swimming lessons at the Fairfield pool when I was little, being on the beach with my family on many different occasions, being in Daytona with college friends (although that was a little less calm, haha), and other times this past year in Ecuador. I felt so happy in my heart thinking about those times, but also a little sad, because I know they'll never be back in the same way.

I started thinking a lot about family, and what a gift it is. I've been thinking about this even more than normal since Grandpa Pete died in April. I think about how much I miss my family. How much I miss my Grandpa Pete. How he won't be there when I get off the plane in August. I think about how much I miss the times when we were younger and all together. My mind wandered and I randomly thought about the day that my parents dropped me off at college. I tried to remember how I was feeling during that time. I remember the night before leaving, sobbing with my mom in the kitchen. I remember feeling empty, scared, and excited all at the same time. What a milestone that is in our lives in the United States! I don't think I really understood at that moment just how much my life would never be the same. Since then, I have only lived in my parent's house for a few months at a time, I have traveled a lot, I have found myself in Ecuador for 2 years, and who knows where my life will go from here. How could I have predicted any of that as I lugged my pink and purple comforter and new laptop into Marycrest Hall room 793 at UD in 2004?!

It's just crazy how life happens. I wrote in my journal as I sat on the beach: "I wish we got little warnings growing up -- Hey, stop arguing with your brother! Someday you won't be living in the same house anymore! Hey, stop complaining about what your mom made for dinner! At least you're at the table with your family and at least there is food on that table! Hey, get off of instant messenger and go downstairs to be with your family! Appreciate where you are NOW! It's not always going to be like this! ... The whole family being together, eating dinner together every night, weekend trips to grandparents' houses, family vacations -- what a special time of life that really is. I am so thankful to my parents for giving us all of those times. Looking back, I wish somehow we understood in those moments just how special they really are. I feel like we do get little glimpses of understanding, but it really is impossible to grasp how deeply special moments are while they are still happening."

As I wrote this -- the lightbulb went on. I am SO bad at wishing away experiences as they happen. I am always looking behind, looking ahead. I live through moments but wait until later to REALLY cherish the goodness in them. I am sooo good at being nostalgic. But often times in daily life, I focus on the negative, I long to be where I am not, and I just don't realize the beauty happening right before my very eyes! I felt like God was speaking to me directly in that moment -- Tracy, BE GRATEFUL. For where you are, for the people you are with, WHILE it is happening! I smiled. What a good reminder to receive, especially at this point in my year in Ecuador. Since that retreat weekend, I have felt a real sense of joy in my heart. I find myself looking around at the people I am with -- I mean REALLY looking at them, with loving eyes and a grateful heart, and saying a short little silent prayer -- Lord, thank you for these people. Thank you for this moment. Thank you!

I have much to be grateful for. This last month has been wonderful. The retreat was a really rejuvenating experience. My morning work at Redima has been very fulfilling although in some ways disheartening. Melissa and I started a support group for people living with HIV and AIDS. Last week, we had the second group meeting. I was nervous, because I wasn't really sure what the group would actually do for people. I was moved speaking with one of the men before the group started. He told me just how much he appreciated being able to come to this safe space and share his feelings. "My wife knows I have HIV, my mom knows, and I have one other friend who knows. Otherwise, it's not something you can talk about. My job would fire me if they knew." I am so grateful that we are able to provide a safe space, and I am so grateful for all the ways in which these people teach me about life. I was moved watching the way the members of the group supported one another.

Teaching at Nuevo Mundo is wonderful and difficult and hilarious as always. This semester, I am a little more comfortable and prepared in the classroom. I think I have finally learned that asserting my authority and disciplining does not make me a mean person, haha. The other day I even gave my students a pop quiz when I knew none of them were paying attention to the lesson. They were so mad, but it was actually kind of fun for me. haha! In general, the kids are such a joy. I love their hugs and jokes and laughter. They also still give me lots to laugh about. Last week, we were learning about adjectives and comparative sentences. They were each coming to the board to write a sentence like "Tracy is taller than Rosalia, " for example. Adriana was wagging her hand furiously in the air, ready with her sentence. I called on her, and she skipped to the board and wrote, "Lissette is easier than Lisbeth." (Lissette and Lisbeth being 2 other girls in the class!) Turns out she thought that "easy" was the word for rápido (fast)... oops! haha! I love my job!

As usual, I have been spending all the time I can with my neighbors, who continue to impress me with their will, kindness, and generosity. After 11 months together, I feel very close to many of the families. In many ways, this is beautiful, but it is also hard. As we get closer to the families and they trust us more, they tell us more and more about how difficult their lives really are. The problems of alcoholism, abuse within families, extreme poverty, infidelity in marriage, rape, inadequate healthcare...they have all become very much more real and personal. My worldview is challenged every single day.

Despite the challenges in life here, my friends and neighbors continue to be joyful! This past weekend, Gina and I went with our guard Eduardo Lunas to visit his hometown of Pedro Carbo. We went with Nancy and Eduardo and Wellington and a few of their other relatives and stayed in his sister Mirella's house. The city was small and very poor, but super animated - especially this weekend. Every year, they have a huge festival for the feast of Saint Peter. We went out with the whole family and danced to a live cumbia band from about 9 pm until 3 am. Gina and I were definitely the only gringas in sight! It was a wonderful weekend. The Lunas family welcomed us in like were blood relatives! My hips and calves hurt like mad today from all that dancing, but it was totally worth it!

Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday, and I really looking forward to celebrating it here. Jenny is cooking me shrimp for lunch, and I could tell that the ladies at my morning job are up to something! At night, I am having dinner with my community, and then Abrahan is having a little dance party for me. Mostly, I am feeling so humbled by all the love I feel from all those around me, and I can't wait to spend my special day with them.

We have about a month left living in Arbolito, and so we are all feeling a sea of emotions. I have finally begun to process and understand many of the things I have been learning this year about faith, the world, and myself. I know I will be reflecting on those lessons for years to come. I am bursting with excitement to be home for awhile, and I am also feeling a deep sadness about leaving behind all the friendships I have made here. Like I said earlier, I am working on just living day by day, moment by moment, being grateful and soaking up all the goodness as it comes!

May God bless each of you with peace and happiness everyday! Thanks for reading as always!