wow...so as i came into this year, i thought i would be writing blogs all the time, i love writing and sharing, so it just made sense....but alas, we have been here now for about 6 months, and this is my second one....why? well, i could obviously say lack of time, limited computer access, inability to speak either language: english or spanish, etc. But i think the other very important factor is that things such as this (trying to express oneself, especially through writing) cannot be forced. So many times i feel myself experiencing emotions at levels which i had never known before....
There are so many times here when
I don´t even know what´s going on inside of me, let alone try to explain it to anyone else....how, for example, can you best explain those times when you feel
beyond weak (in every aspect, physically, emotionally, etc.) and yet at the
very same time, you feel stronger than you ever knew possible....and yet it`s a different kind of strength...a strength which can
only be reached/acquired by allowing yourself to get to that point of weakness and vulnerability. It´s as if the crucifixion and all the pain that comes with it, is happening at the exact same moment of the resurrection and all the wonder, awe, gratitude, and joy that comes with that.....and yet with these coexisting extremes occuring inside a single person, a single heart....(for this is something that can obviously occur in each and every individual)....it, often times, is just too much...our hearts were not made big enough to contain such stong and powerful emotions....but as one of my best friends reminded me most recently:
For this, we are broken, and
must be broken....for it is only then, that our hearts will be mended and made anew, made bigger than before by the hands of our Creator...and thus will be able to contain even more of His love. Just like the parable in the Gospel in which Jesus talks about having to get new wineskins to hold the wine he brings, because the other ones will stretch and burst. You can't put new wine in old wineskins because they will ultimately buckle and break...His love being the wine. We need a new heart, a new barrel, which to hold his love that he wants to give to us. The process of making room for the new and bigger wineskin no doubt tears at us....
Bueno, that´s all from me, for now. I hope that was able to make at least a little sense :)
God bless you all. And, as always, thanks so much for your support! We appreciate your thoughts, prayers, letters, emails, todo...more than we can say!!
¡Cuidense!
paz, amor, y alegría,
Mara :)
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